The Thinking Demon...

Days before enlistment...

2011-10-31T01:01:00.004+08:00

Would like to thank all those whom I have met these 2 days...

2 different cliques, but to the best of my knowledge, have the same intention...to "celebrate" my impending loss of hair and to a certain extent, freedom.

I'm pretty much ready for NS, and I'm confident to say that I'm experiencing minimal pressure.

Maybe because my NCC days prepared me mentally?

Perhaps...

But one thing's for sure, I've enjoyed myself for the past 2 days. I'm really glad that I got to meet out with my friends one more time before I enter the next phase in life.

First day was my NYP peers...

Sista', Lee Anne, Foler, Kai Chin, Siraj, Yu You, Clyde and Sean with Nigel joining up later in the night. Had dinner, and though I didn't eat much, I was really glad to be surrounded by my friends. Had beer after that and things would have been better if I wasn't feelin' the effects of the sleepless nights.

My bad~ =P

A couple of hours ago, had dinner with the SGSH clique. Feelin' equally happy with the SCANDALous mates around.

I'm really thankful for the people I have around me...

I thank y'all once again, my friends...the simple meet ups mean a lot to me, especially during this period of time. Thank you so much!

Oh and I have received a small gift from my dear sista'~! Really appreciate it! It's now part of my "must-wear accessories"...when I'm out as a civilian though. Thanks~!

A lil' better...

2011-10-26T23:56:00.007+08:00

Been thinking a lot these 2 days...

To be frank , I have yet to thoroughly sort out my thoughts just yet, but I'm definitely feeling a lil' bit better.

It's probably the Shawn Michaels VS Bret Hart DVD. Seeing their reconciliation makes me wanna' look up some of the guys I know and call for a truce.

I'm sure this is no secret...I'm not a good person. I may not have committed murder or arson (yet...), but I have done some rather hideous things to some people...

Lies were told...

Backs were stabbed...

Souls wounded...

Bodies bruised...

Some qualities I've always despised are actually qualities I once had...maybe not till the very extreme, but I'm nonetheless guilty of possessing those qualities.

For the past 2 days, I've done deeper soul searching than I have ever done before, but sadly, I still haven't got the courage to meet some of 'em face to face, neither do I have a proper solution to make my position a lil' more prominent...

But life goes on, and so today I sat down and watched the WWE DVD.

I thought I knew a lot about Bret and Shawn and that night at Montreal...but after watching the entire interview, I realized I know nothing about them.

The part that truly got my attention was when they were talkin' about their reconciliation. Eyes turned red and tears were shed...as a wrestling fan, I felt the emotion emanating from both men and was getting watery eyes as well...especially when they showed the clip when Bret and Shawn hugged on RAW, 4th January 2010.

I've already seen that episode of RAW 1 year ago, but watching it again today was extra heartwarming and it definitely meant much more.

I've known all along that I was the one who made the wrong moves and the wrong decisions to certain issues...and after today, I would love to meet some of those guys again in hopes that we can all bury the hatchet, regardless of whether they still bear a grudge against me for my actions back then or not.

There is a handful of souls however, whom I would rather not propose a truce...despite my desire for complete tranquility in my mind, I just cannot condone what those people have done.

To those whom I've truly did wrong to due to my egoistical/reckless/unreasonable/irresponsible decisions in the past, I'm willing to apologize face to face and offer my hand in peace.

To those whom I MIGHT have done something wrong to but I feel no guilt whatsoever...in fact I feel justified, because they have dealt an absurdly immense blow unto me...I just can't find it in my heart to reconciliate with 'em.

Fortunately, it's not a very big number.

No matter, I hereby sincerely thank Bret Hart, Shawn Michaels and Jim Ross for putting that DVD together. Not only did it enlighten the wrestling fans about the Hart-Heart rivalry, but it too brought certain peace to me. Thank you, gentlemen!

Next, I would like to thank those whom I have hurt, but chose to forgive me in any way (I might not know it...).

I've been saying countless sorry(s) and thank you(s) to my peers, but I want y'all to know, when I say (or type for this matter) them, not once did they not come from my heart...especially as I grow up and learned my mistakes back in the days, all the more am I apologetic.

To those whom I have hurt, and haven't forgiven me...I hope one day I'll be able to find my way back to you and offer my apologies. Whether or not I'm forgiven, it's your decision...

Perhaps one of the most emotional days I've had...and one of the most emotional posts I've made. Good night to all, and may a good day awaits~❤

Incorrigible

2011-10-23T00:24:00.004+08:00

Pessimism...

Past memories flooding back. A lot has been on my mind ever since I......never mind.

It's not the first time I started recollecting past events...but this time, it has gotten stronger. From those hellish days in primary school all the way to my recent days...

I can almost never stop thinking...

Things that I did wrong came back to haunt me one by one despite my best efforts to atone for what I have done. I'm starting to lock myself away again...in my lil' world filled with negative emotions.

And today, had a pretty rough time when my knee gave out on me again. I'm not gonna' use it as an excuse for my bad skills...I admit that I'm bad when it comes to that sport, but the bad knee delivered the coup de grâce to my pride.

God I hate it when I cannot even accomplish the simplest of task like stopping a ball...in my book, being hurt is not an excuse.

I might be contradicting myself in certain ways with the statement above, but at the very moment when I failed to deliver, that was how I felt.

Thinking is such a scary ability. An active brain and a guilty soul makes a deadly combination...

When can I ever stop getting tortured by these thoughts. I yearn certain tranquility, a small reprieve that enables my mind to rest. I don't know how much more I can take before I either snap or break down...

Seriously, there are times when I'm on the verge of insanity holding back my guilt and tears...I'm getting really close to the brim.

It's really tiring leading a life like mine...and knowing that people around me will not like it but am still doing it because I'm not good at handling my own shit is just as disheartening...

More than once I have thought...

If only that particular soul could bring down the finishing blow years ago...

Merry Christmas Mr Lawrence

2011-10-14T03:54:00.002+08:00

After much procrastination, I have finally managed to clear the one music I've always wanted to play on a piano...

It's not played note for note like what the score intended, there are mild differences, but I believe I pretty much got the melody correct...I guess?

No matter, it's not even worthy enough to be compared to the original piece played by Sakamoto Ryuichi, but I'm happy that I got to play it out in full for myself. Would love to try it on a grand piano though...

Anyway, hopefully I would face minimal problems this Saturday during the jamming session when I play this music.

Death brings peace...

2011-10-11T04:45:00.002+08:00

It's 0444 on my clock...and I'm still awake.

It's no surprise to many why. Firstly, I have a screwed up body clock. Secondly, I think a lot...and they are not exactly productive thoughts.

Just watched X-Men Orgins: Wolverine again...and I paid extra attention this time when Kayla told the love story between the moon and the wolverine. After that, I pretty much got sidetracked and left the movie running while I stared into space and started refreshing my memory about various things.

A tweet I just made, "Thus far I had 2 moons in my life...but am neither's wolverine..."

I'm sure there is no secret what or who those 2 moons are, and what or who the wolverine is referring to. Though this wolverine didn't get fooled by anybody to leave its realm and collect flowers for the moon, the ending still fits...

The wolverine lost the moon as a companion...

I choked a lil' when I realized the matching factors.

Twice I've went through this process, and I'm not sure if I'll be going through it for the 3rd time...

Apparently my brain's gonna' work this way for the rest of my life, regardless of whether I'll be lookin' back at my love life, my misdoings, people I've lied to, people I've hurt...doubt there is going to be any signs of reprieve...

...until death that is...

Revival

2011-10-09T02:23:00.013+08:00

Deserted this place for quite some time already...no matter, I have no intentions of closing it down, so might as well continue ta' shoot the shit.

Anyways, have been spending quite some time with a new clique I joined a couple of months back. Joined a forum called SCANDAL Heaven, and met a couple of guys residing in Singapore who are part of this community.

Really great souls. Well, mixing in isn't easy (as usual), but since we all have a similar interest, I guess it's not completely fruitless. Time went by and got to talk to 'em more...and thanks to some of 'em, I even started using Twitter! Something I never thought I'd ever use...

But what's done is done, now I have a Twitter account and it's just another place for me to rant...

Besides Twitter, I tried playing a sport I never thought I'd play as well...soccer.

To be absolutely frank with you, it's really not my type of sports...for now that is. I tend to panic when I get the ball under my foot, I play rough, and most importantly...I can't kick the ball good enough. But thus far, I have went for 2 soccer sessions with the SH guys, and despite my statement above, I had fun.

But for those who know me well, there's one very crucial thing about my attitude that they should know...I've said it umpteen times, and I'll say it again...

Besides hating to lose, I tend to get pissed at myself for not being able to get a job done right.

Although the SH clique reassures me that they don't blame me for my poor skills, I still scold myself for being a total klutz. Nothing personal, it's just how my mind works...

But the bottomline is, it's fun taking part in the soccer session with 'em despite the fact that my body had kinda' given way a couple of times. Thanks, SHSG! I really appreciate it guys!

Alright, before I conclude my first blog post in a long while, thought I'll share some drawings I have done just to let people know I haven't been just idling my time away doing nothing...but still, no colors. XD

Bleach crossovers...

HARUNA X Zaraki Kenpachi

RINA X Hitsugaya Toushiro

TOMOMI X Kyouraku Shunsui

MAMI X Kuchiki Byakuya

A younger version oF Yamamoto Genryuusai Shigekuni...

Thaz'all folks...

Oh and I'll be lookin' forward to seeing you and Lee Anne again, Sista'!

NAPFA Silver

2011-08-31T16:10:00.003+08:00

After a month plus of physical and mental "torture", I have finally clinched the NAPFA silver.

Really elated when everything is over and learned that I have done what I thought was not very possible when I failed the first 2 attempts. And for that, I have to thank BB for giving me the support while I was clearing the stations.

He unfortunately didn't get past one of the stations, but he stayed behind to see things through till the very end...and I appreciate his presence.

The silver is actually a pass for me to attend the SCANDAL concert in a couple of weeks time...

I'm supposed to enlist for NS at 8 September, thus missing the concert...but now that I have claimed the silver award, there's a chance that I'll be able to attend the concert after all.

No matter, I'll just rest for the day and hopefully I'm not gonna' be bedridden tomorrow...

Back!

2011-07-13T16:03:00.008+08:00

Finally back online with a working computer.

Have been deprived of a computer for quite some time. My laptop's kinda toast...the White Screen Of Death made its first appearance before my eyes.

Next, my bro's desktop. It had already stopped working for a long time due to some OS shit...and just when I thought my bro had fixed it that one night, the computer failed to power up the next day.

So yeah...that's when all the inconveniences seeped in. Luckily my bro borrowed me his iPad, otherwise my life would have been worse than dull.

But still there are things an iPad can't do, for instance...drawing. I was kinda panicking because I had the intention to submit a couple of fan art on a forum, and as the deadline drew near, I had to make a trip back to school and finish things up. Fortunately, I was able to complete 'em...to a certain extent.

Well, what matters is with a proper computer, I feel like I'm whole again...

Conflicting...

2011-06-08T23:06:00.002+08:00

With the graduation ceremony out of the way, I'm now waiting for the governmental edict to ferry me into NS-hood.

The day of graduation is without a doubt a day filled with memories. I'm glad my mother and big brother was there to attend the event, and I believe my dad's in the attendance as well...

You're son's finally crossed another hurdle, daddy...

Needless to say everybody's thrilled about how they're officially cleared to enter the outside world...and in order to not forget the moment, millions of flashes were taking down the smiles on everybody's face.

Yeah...photographs...

Just saw a couple of pictures of my friends. Everybody's smiling so wide...well, almost everybody. And there it is, I came across some pictures that kinda...hit me hard.

...it's always like this...

I've accepted the fact she's with somebody else...but seeing her in his arms and vice versa...

I'm happy for them, seriously. But the happiness comes with a tinge of ...I don't know...a feeling you get when you're choking on tears...

I just can't let it go now, can I...wishy washy soul...

Macho Fallen

2011-05-22T00:07:00.010+08:00

Another legend has fallen...

Randy "Macho Man" Savage passed away after driving his automobile into a tree. A saddening loss for many wrestling fans around the globe, and needless to say Randy's family and friends whom he had wrestled with or against.

Bret "The Hitman" Hart voiced out in Facebook, "I have no words to say. This one hits me hard. We lost one of the best". I believe many would share his views.

I'm not the biggest fan of Randy Savage, but I admire the man's near unparalleled charisma when cutting a promo and his prowess in the ring.

Probably Randy's last promo...Ooh Yeah~~~

R.I.P Randy "Macho Man" Savage. Thank you for the memories...

Speaking of wrestling, another legend is possibly on the verge of retirement, and he's none other than the man I've always looked up to, Mark Calaway a.k.a The Undertaker.

I just couldn't help it but feel a little unnerving to know that he's retiring. We all know that day is inevitable...but the creatures of the night definitely dreaded for the day to come.

But during these past few years, 'Taker's taken some pretty bad bumps and old injuries kept nagging on...and he'll take some time off spanning over months and can possibly last for almost a year after each wrestling appearance. 'Taker fans wanna see him in action, but I know that everybody, including me would rather him to have a proper rest and not strain his body too much.

With all the factors stated above, Undertaker is only seen in action a couple of times in a year, and out of those handful, maybe only one or two of 'em will have him wrestling to cut down the toll taken on his body.

The fans all probably knew that the Phenom doesn't have much time left in the ring.

Sources state that 'Taker's currently semi-retired, but it's highly possible that he'll leave in the near future...or even next year when he will extend his Wrestlemania streak to 20-0 (we shall ASSUME).

If retiring is equals to a healthier life for Mark, I strongly believe that every single creature of the night would rather have it that way.

Over but not done with...

2011-05-11T23:01:00.019+08:00

Feeling alright I guess...

Quite a number of things happened.

The number one subject for the past few weeks and perhaps still ongoing has to be the general election. PAP rules for the next 5 years again...I'm neither complaining nor celebrating for I'm not very interested in the government/politics and stuff.

Though I have to more or less know something due to the solid fact that I'm growing older and there are things the government does that will affect me.

Well, I do care about one issue regarding the Aljunied GRC. Sad to say (happy for most people I guess), WP claimed the Aljunied GRC.

Sad because I felt like I lost a friend. Not that he bought me candies or anything every time we meet, but Mr Zainul has always been a great guy who would put up a big smile and interacts with people very well. There had been many occasions in which I got to meet him up close because my mum's into the whole RC thing and they tend to organize events with him being the guest-of-honor. I got to shake his hand, exchanged brief words and turns out that he's a really jolly fella'.

I dunno if people will be saying that he's merely putting up a front to rally support prior to the next election, but from my point of view, the way he interacted with me and the residents seemed genuinely out his heart, and I still wanna believe that.

People sang praises of Mr George Yeo, even pro-opposition citizens. I can't comment much, because I'm pretty oblivious when it comes to the contributions and stuff until I read them up. But the people know.

So perhaps you can say that I'm a pro-PAP for now despite my earlier statement expressing my indifference. Another reason that I'm pro-PAP for now is because Minister Mentor Lee Kuan Yew's aging, and let us be frank, he doesn't have many open chapters left in his life.

So like I said before to some of my friends, I would like him to at least "go in peace".

But of course, not everybody thinks likewise. Many Singaporeans started criticizing his statements and way of running things in the government.

I've read posts and comments regarding how PAP's lining their wallets at our expense, I acknowledge some of them but just couldn't help but feel disheartening to see people, especially my friends using extreme terms to discredit PAP, and even the ministers, when the people themselves possibly have a part to play in those issues. I mean, you can question their management but you don't have to scold them like they killed your dog...

I'm not blaming the people for their resentment...but what I don't like was that many people are angry and are voting for the opposition for the wrong reason from my perspective.

There are people who are angry because they are not satisfied with their lives now with so much to pay for a.k.a high standards of living.

But there are people who voted for the right reasons (I hope), as in they want more opposition in the parliament to voice out, so things would be somewhat balance out, and matters can be looked into more efficiently.

True the government has to hold certain responsibilities for the arousing problems. But the most important thing to do before people start pointing fingers at the government, is to reflect on oneself...

Had a long talk with my bro, and we started analyzing the issues...

The following are both my brother's and my thoughts, if you think otherwise...well, that's fine. One can disagree but I have no intentions of starting a heated debate here.

***

Foreign talents "stealing" jobs:

Singaporeans get paid to work. DUH?! But as time goes by, and the employee left the company for various reasons, if they intend to continue in that field, they would look for the jobs and request for a pay equals to, if not more than what he was paid previously.

That's reasonable considering you had gained more experience from working in another company before.

Then, my bro and I assumed that someone triggered a trend whereby one would work in a company and as soon as the contract ends, he would decline to renew his contract (if he had the choice) and start looking for a job in another company, requesting for a higher pay...

He would then work till the contract ends, and off he goes to another company asking for a higher pay than the former. This cycle goes on...and more people sees this opportunity to earn more money, and thus started doing so.

"I had to do it due to the rising standards of living", they thought...

The employer sees the trend and they would of course employ the foreign workers who can deliver as much but at a lower rate.

The unemployed grumble and asked, "Why?".

The employers answered, "Why not?"

So regarding the increasing numbers of foreigners getting employed instead of Singaporeans, both the employers and the employees are to be responsible...

***

The road tax:

The number of cars is increasing in Singapore and I doubt nobody noticed this.

So the government erected ERP gantries, initially around town areas to in a sense control the number of cars getting in and out. As a result, there were lesser congestion in those areas.

Granted...

So when people feels the pinch to spend some bucks going through the gantry, they've decided to take a detour which would land them in the same place but escaping the system.

It wouldn't be long before most people realized that, and more people started using the the roads free from the ERP. Now those "free roads" would have heavier traffic because nobody wanted to pay the toll.

Government raised new gantries on those roads.

People will start looking for "free roads" and as a result, congestion will build up again on those roads and gantries will be implemented. This kept up and thus almost everywhere we go, we see the ERP.

Again, people blame the government for taxing them too much. Well, why can't they blame the ones who contributed to the congestion unnecessarily? There are those who really need a vehicle to travel long distance nearly everyday, but what about those who don't really need it but still owns one?

What I heard from my bro, is that now more people are capable of driving a car courtesy to the COE or something that pertains to it.

So as many people wanna enjoy the luxury of driving despite not necessarily needing it, the number of cars is definitely rising mad.

***

I can't really remember everything that we talked...I was kinda sleepy that night.

Anyway, a lot of problems boils down to 2 choices..."Need to Have?", "Want to Have?"

People tend to not make the correct choices at times. A good example my bro stated...

Food, is it a "Need to Have?" or "Want to Have?"

I said "Need to Have?"...and he corrected my way of thinking. He said both.

People need to eat, but people CHOOSE to eat good food that are costly, but still serves the same purpose as a plate of chicken rice which costs so much cheaper. You eat, fill your stomach and you defecate...

Regardless of what you eat, no matter how expensive it cost, it will still exit your body as nothing more than a pile of shit.

But people sometimes would still choose to eat expensive good food which at times can barely fill your stomach, rather than something more filling and inexpensive.

That's why I feel that Singaporeans should really think about things before pointing their gun barrels at the government. It's always easy to point fingers at other people, but never ourselves. We, the Singaporeans contributed to the costly standards of living. Vendors sees the rising demand, damn right they will exploit the opportunity to earn our money we so willingly pay, and this rule applies for many things around us.

As business picks up, and with the resources required processing them thinning, the price would definitely go up, and yet people are still willing to pay.

Although I do agree that the government has a part to play, we the people should also start making things right.

The above are my thoughts and I'm putting them up despite having a feeling that people from different standpoints will be flaming me for my comments.

Something I've experienced over the years...

If you are in support of something, you'll find 100 ways to praise it. People who didn't like it, would come up with 100 ways to criticize it, and 1000 ways to make it sound as worthless as possible. The supporters will then find 1100 ways to give it credit, and more to fight back...

That is when disagreement builds up and eventually a push would come to a shove.

No matter, let's hope for a better tomorrow.

Happy Birthday To You...

2011-03-28T00:08:00.007+08:00

I'm really glad...

...that you replied my message...

When I read your reply, I was really happy. I could literally picture how you said it. Although in the message you asked, "You are?"...but no matter, it's good enough.

Probably the reason you replied to the message was because you didn't know it's me...

What if you knew that it was me? Would you still give me a reply?

Now that I think of it, it was almost a year ago I sent you the first message between us...it was an apologetic sms...

You never replied...

The next time I sent you a message was when my brother had 2 tickets to Jacky Wu's performance in Singapore. I thought that I could use the chance to close the rift between us, thus I decided to ask you first.

You never replied to that either...

Perhaps...you've never forgiven me, that's why my contact number was never recorded in your phone. Thus not knowing that it was me who greeted you via sms.

Nonetheless, I'm elated and grateful that you replied to my sms this time, with or without your knowledge that it was me on the other end. It brought comfort to my heart. Thank you...and this is possibly the first time I'm saying this to you on the day itself...

Happy Birthday...

2 Decades...

2011-03-16T22:18:00.004+08:00

March 16 is coming to an end...

Thank you to everybody who sent forth your greetings, as usual, they are greatly appreciated. Also, thank you to the birthday song from the night cycling clique...it's been quite a while since I've heard that song with my name in it. It felt like I still have a small place in most my peers' hearts, despite taking loads of shit from me...other than being thankful, I have no idea how else can I express myself.

Thank y'all...

Of course, there's still one person whom I wish to receive the message from. The odds are rather low, but I'm still hoping...

New Phase

2011-03-12T21:10:00.008+08:00

FUSION has come and gone, which means I'm finally out of NYP. Thank you to all who came visiting. Despite not receiving many guests at my booth, I guess I'm still happy.

...

Looking back, I can't help but feel a little sentimental. It's not exactly something that one will expect coming out from my mouth, but that word pretty much sums up stuff.

About 3 years ago, I'm just a freshie stepping into the gates of NYP, having minor doubts about the future, and deciding not to make too many friends for fear of some sort of deja vu dating all the way back to the younger days.

Well, I succeeded...that was until when orientation took place, and I started talking to people.

Guess it's not easy being alone eh...

Now that I think about it, I'm glad I spoke to them then, otherwise, I'm not sure how am I gonna make it through these 3 years. Thank you, my friends...I'm really, really glad to have met all y'all.

Of course, the lecturers played a big part in my poly life as well. Especially Ms Gail, who had enlightened most if not all of the '08 batch. An amazing woman who will never run you down not matter how rotten you are. Her encouragements are priceless, and regardless of who you are, she will gladly give you advice on many matters.

She said that she's proud of us, and I'm grateful to have a mentor like her. Thank you so much, Ms Gail.

A little too much dosage of nostalgia perhaps...

Feeling a little lonely all of the sudden, especially when it comes to friends going their own ways. It's not a farewell for good, but meeting up will not be easy.

Another contributing factor is no secret. I have lain down my last card, with my thoughts and wishes penned down on it, in hopes that she will read them and grant me my last request. If she does, I would have found the much needed closure which I have been seeking for over a year...

Nonetheless, congratulations to all my friends graduated and those soon graduating, I'll be looking forward to our next meetings. Good luck and take care...

Harsh Truth...

2010-12-03T19:55:00.007+08:00

Not too long ago, another question was answered...

It seems like a friend of mine got together with her...

...

If I say that I'm not jealous, I would be lying. Jealousy is inevitable. I'm happy to know that she will be in good hands, but I can't shake off the sharp pain in me.

I've repeatedly told myself that I just wanna mend our friendship, and I still wish for that...but that didn't make me feel any better. It's tough to let go. The feeling I have for her was one-sided all along...can't blame anyone but myself for my wishful thinking.

It's really agonizing...

I recall saying this before, and I'll say it again...as long as she's happy, I'm fine with it. In fact, I have no rights to object this issue...I'm just another guy whom she got to know, but not someone who can necessarily provide her with everything she needs.

Who knows? Perhaps my friend is the one who can give her the warmth and support I'm not capable of giving.

I realize that I have bigger things at hand and now is not really the time to be doing all this stuff...

I don't know...I'm at a total loss now...

Happy Birthday to Shan!

2010-12-02T23:55:00.001+08:00

Happy Birthday to you, Shan. It's a simple meal but hope you liked it.

Relieved...NOT!

2010-11-24T23:02:00.003+08:00

First of all, thank you to each and everyone of you who have taken the time to answer my doubts in any way. The weight tying me down is gradually getting lighter, courtesy to y'all who have stepped into my life and made me feel I am worthy to be a friend.

From the bottom of my heart, I thank y'all...

I can never say enough thank you. Just when I thought I was the most rotten soul in this accursed world, there would always be people who will show me the way...I'm really grateful for that.

...

...

Despite finding closure to an issue which had been bothering me for some time, I still feel kinda...unfulfilled and fed up with myself .

For months, I could only get to know how was she doing through my friends...never once did I actually approach her and ask her myself. Even today, only after asking a mutual friend of ours did I know about her situation.

I wished I could give her a hand...I budged, but I didn't reach her side. All I could do the whole time was to take short glances at her. But with every glance, I would think about what happened 8 months ago, when our friendship took a downturn...I couldn't help but arouse fear that she might get upset should I get too close.

I wanted to say something, but nothing came into mind, and I didn't know how or where to start...

By the end of the day, all I could do was to see her walk away. It's another 24 hours filled with regrets...regrets of not being able to close the rift between us.

For someone who can't speak up in her presence, I can only do my talking here.

...

The odds of her seeing this is pretty much zilch, but...

Get well soon...

Struggles for answers...

2010-11-05T12:59:00.006+08:00

As I was gathering with my friends more and more frequently nowadays, a question long forgotten popped up in my head again...

A question that was never answered properly...

The question is, "Do you guys hate me?".

Seriously now, after the past few gatherings, no doubt I'm happy, but what about the people around me? I've been drifting further apart from everybody. As the conversation thins among us, I can't help but feel as if I'm slowly making an exit to the clique (again...).

I've always appreciated darkness, but such darkness is too terrifying for the likes of me. It's not long ago this question reemerged in my mind.

I wanted to get it off my mind and ask everybody this question, but as usual...I'm afraid of the negative response. Reality is harsh, we have to face it, but not everybody can accept it. I'm feeling more and more like a weakling of sorts, I don't dare to voice my thoughts face to face when it comes to a serious conversation pertaining me. Regardless if it's to my family, my peers, or the one I love...my thoughts can only go up my throat, but never out of my mouth...

That is why, I've decided to post it up here...the only place I can let people know what I'm thinking without me hesitating.

For those who sees the question, has the answer and wanna tell me about it, please do. If you wanna keep it to yourself, I'm fine with it.

However...please be honest...

Happy Birthday, Angeline!

2010-10-31T18:32:00.003+08:00

The second consecutive birthday post, and the lucky soul is none other than the posh madame of DMD '08, Angeline!

A happy belated birthday to you, and thank you for inviting me over for the Halloween birthday party. Pardon me for my lack of creativity in my costumes...

Anyways, I've enjoyed your party very much and hoped that you did too.

It's one helluva party. There's friends crowding around downing beer and talking stuff. The best part's gotta be the ghost story session, with Kah Fai as the main storyteller and I loved every single one of it, regardless of it's genuine values.

So a big thank you, and happy birthday once again. Cheers and cares.

...

360 degrees~~~

Happy Birthday, Sean!

2010-10-27T00:10:00.005+08:00

A very happy birthday to Sean. Celebrated his belated 17 today with a big gang related to him one way or another.

Hoped he liked it.

Besides being Sean's birthday, it's one of my happiest day in these few months...

Went back to NYP for a lecture, and I got to meet her. This will be the first time in months I've ever seen her after the incident. It's mixed emotions.

I'm really happy to be able to see her again, and I was lucky to be able to get a small glimpse of her warm smile...though that smile is not directed at me, I feel as if I'm whole again.

We still didn't spoke, and I think the rift had yet get any closer.

Despite still acting like strangers, I was really elated, that kinda summarized my feelings then...well, a big part of me is definitely over the moon.

But there's another part of me, that felt anxiety and slight fear...I'm getting afraid. Day by day I'm thinking if this is how things are going for the rest of the days.

I don't want that...

I wanna be her friend again. Not just a friend who only exist on her friend list and nothing else...I wanna be a friend like before, talking about anything under the sun.

However, I can't afford to make another mistake...

I really hope that she's only avoiding me (if she is...) because of the awkwardness, and not because she hates me...

But...is this really how things are going to continue for the remaining time?

Leather joy...

2010-10-10T18:22:00.009+08:00

Thanks to Wei Liang, I've finally gotten the jacket I have always wanted. However, it's a little too big for me. Yeah, that kinda sucked...that means I would have to wait for another 2 years after NS before I'll be able to fit in nicely, that is if I DO grow during that 2 years.

My intention was to consult a tailor and trim it down a little, but the dowager at home dissuaded me as she thought that one wrong move and I would have to discard the whole jacket...

...I obediently took her advice, and as a result, I shall patiently bide my time...

Anyways, a song I started taking notice quite recently, and needless to say, I liked it...

A song of Raymond Lam...

Unhappiness overdose...

2010-08-11T01:26:00.005+08:00

Yes...it's going to be yet another moody post, despite this being the first update after a while.

I think many people are sick of hearing me saying the same old stuff over and over again, but that's the life I have been leading. I reminisce on everything and anything - usually negative - that happened in my life.

Now I know that it's not really a healthy hobby, but I can't help brooding over issues, for I'm not good at letting go. Be it joy, grudges, or regrets, loads of em etched themselves into my mind. Of course, I don't have to elaborate which of the most troubling issues I've been recollecting these months.

People told me to get a grip, and forget about it for holding onto it will do me nothing good, especially when I'm the passive type and didn't really do much of anything to redeem my undoings.

Well, that's how good I'm at dealing with issues such as relationships.

It's good to see that at least she's active on Facebook. We still didn't talk, although I did hover my mouse cursor over to her tab, and all that I'm left to do is to click on it and type something...

I didn't...

I'm still afraid. Afraid of rejection, afraid of her cold shoulder, afraid that my initiative may change her mood for the worse.

I just wanna know if she's doing fine these days. I mean, I could have at least asked one of her friends whom I hanged out with for the last few sessions with the rest of my peers...but I didn't do so.

I've thought of a couple of answers she might say, and I'm kinda afraid that she might say that it's none of my business or something of sorts.

It's a gamble, but I couldn't take the risk. I don't know what will happen should I lost the bet. I'll be frank...I've been feeling kinda okay because I have my peers around. I appreciate them being there with me and sharing the joy, but occasionally, my mind would drift away and the next thing I know, I would be thinking of her again...and I would just stop enjoying myself...

That happened on certain nights when I'm lying on my bed thinking of random things. And when thoughts of her flashed into my mind, I just couldn't stop cursing myself for everything.

I reckon that some of my friends are starting to get sick and tired of me spoiling the party. I recognize that and yet I'm still doing it.

I apologize to all those whom are disgusted by my sudden mood swings and dislike the fact that me being a wet blanket like always.

I remembered somebody told me that girls dislike guys who keep apologizing as he would seem weak. That maybe a good point from a female perspective, but I'm doing it nonetheless, for me looking weak is no longer that much of a issue since many of my peers had already seen it or probably knew about it.

As long as I think what I'm doing is right, and so long I'm able to let her feel more at ease, I'm willing to be a weakling...

Hate me? Figured so...

2010-05-18T23:15:00.007+08:00

It's been more than a month, and things didn't turn any better...

Instead, I'm beginning to feel that people around me may be starting to look at me in a different manner. I believe a handful of people knew about what happened, and due to my actions, I'm shot down with negative impressions.

Perhaps my paranoia's acting up again, but from my point of view, these unwelcoming emotions could be happening.

Because of what I did and didn't really dared to step up and make further amendments, I felt like a coward who didn't had the balls to stand up undo some damage.

I said my intentions were nothing more than wanting to be friends, but I didn't support my wish with sufficient action, and for that, people would deem me as a person who would not uphold his promises.

But I tried...

Not really a lot of effort put in, but I tried...

I'm pretty much exhausted, and if I overdo things, I might make the situation even worse...a scenario which I would stay away from.

But it's really saddening...it's deja vu, history now repeated itself, and I'm powerless before it. I'm held back by many phobias, and thus I'm not able to successfully redeem our friendship well.

Retribution...

Drained...

2010-05-11T22:15:00.004+08:00

It really hurts, when I see you turn away from me...

I know that I've done something that might had caused you great unrest, and I kinda figured that you might avoid me for that...but what I didn't figure is how painful it will be.

I don't blame you for the actions you had taken, it's all my rash and selfish self which craves your presence that had created so much drama between us.

As much as I wanna say that I will respect your decisions, I can't take any more of this.

Corny as it sounds, but I'm gonna put it down...

I want to see your smile. I want to hear your voice. I want to be by your side...

However, my current intentions are nothing more than hoping that we can be back as friends...just friends. Whether or not we're able to continue further from that shall not be the priority. But I don't know how to start things out.

I'm afraid of rejection...

I'm afraid of being ignored...

The one issue which dragged on for 7 years had dealt many blows to my heart...and honestly, I'm not sure how much more I can take...

I...I'm at my wit's end...

Back as friends?

2010-05-08T01:29:00.003+08:00

It's been a month since we had talked to each other like friends...and I really dreaded this feeling of not even being able to be present in her life, for fear that she might get distracted.

Perhaps I'm just being paranoid, but I can't shake the thought of her getting uneasy with my appearance.

Putting the courtship aside, not sure for how long or whether if I will be able to enter that stage again, I really wish that we can be friends again just like back in the past when we could speak with each other and have a round of laughter without any awkwardness...

I will try my best to put down the paranoia and start things out between us, as friends again...and hopefully, you will grant me one more chance.

A small wish.

2010-04-26T22:37:00.004+08:00

All I wanted was to talk to you face to face one more time. I'm not sure if it's going to be the last time, but I've decided to set things right.

I'm not gonna say how much I like you and how stupid I was to try and rush things without even getting to know you more, but I just wanna apologize about that day when our friendship took a downturn, and to apologize about how I never actually went up to you and said, "Hi" when I had the chance.

Awkwardness is my reason, but I believe it's still something that I should feel apologetic about...

I went to the bus stop near your house today and waited, hoping that when you turn up, I would finally be able to undo a little damage done to the friendship between you and I.

But I missed you...I did not see you anywhere...

I know it's not easy to face someone who had made you feel uneasy for the past few occasions, but I really hope that the day when I can finally speak to you and calm things down will arrive soon.

Please...please just give me one chance, one more chance to speak to you...

Should that be the last time we ever speak, at least let me leave with this problem resolved so that you and I will encounter less discomfort the next time we meet...

Hatred towards me, I, myself...

2010-04-25T01:04:00.001+08:00

I seriously hate my own guts - so cowardly and indecisive...

Can't help it.

2010-04-20T22:22:00.006+08:00

I know this is not the best time to be worrying about a partner, but those thoughts just keep flowing in and out off my mind.

As mush as I wanna say that I'm happy to see her, well I am...except for the fact that we didn't speak to each other and things seemed to have made a turn for the worse.

I'm feeling real uneasy...

I wanna apologize to her for my actions then, despite having apologized over the web before...but I've always felt that saying things face to face would work out better. Unfortunately, I didn't had the opportunity. I had a bad feeling that just like my first love, I'm gradually falling off her league of friends...that's definitely the last thing I wish to see it happen.

The feeling is awful...but of course if that's her decision, I will respect that...although I seriously hope that such a dreadful scenario will not take place.

I'm not sure what are the odds of her finding this blog, nonetheless I'm going to put my thoughts down in words here...

I'm sorry...

Contented.

2010-04-19T22:14:00.004+08:00

School started today, and it's great to see many of my friends back in the same old building.

As usual, I woke up with conflicted emotions, but everything seemed to have calmed down a bit when I meet more and more familiar faces along the way...

And seeing her again today with that glimpse of her smile kinda brought peace to my soul completely. We did not spoke to each other, but I'm just as happy getting to see her...

Will I fail again?

2010-04-06T13:37:00.009+08:00

I think I just made the situation even worse...

A decision was made for me to be selfish this one time, so I attempted to find out if the feeling I'm having is "the love"...but it looks like my actions backfired on me.

Things were okay for the first time, but not for the second...I think my presence made her feel uneasy during the whole trip.

Perhaps I've been too rash?

But I couldn't help it, I just wanna spend a lil more time with her. However...I don't know how to put my emotions in words. The words were in my throat, but I didn't manage to say it. I just wanna send her home one more time...but my intentions were not voiced out.

Did her impression of me just got worse...I couldn't help but keep thinking about it.

It's my fault for not asking first if she had anybody she held in her heart...but being too blunt might frighten her as well, for such issues are best kept secret for girls until they are ready to speak.

I've been trying not to be too straightforward due to past experiences from my first love...my confession of who my first love was only made matters worse. We seldom spoke to each other on normal occasions, and after the confession...we spoke even less.

The awkwardness...

Eventually, I think not only did I fail to win her heart, I had also lost her as a friend in a sense that...I think I'm totally out of her world, not even in her rank of friends...

Thus my inability to voice out my feelings...

The experience yesterday and the result that turned out at the end of the day kind of mirror what happened the day after my confession to my first love...

What to do...I'm a total wimp when it comes to relationships.

I'm clueless...

I'm helpless...

I'm restless...

The struggle just got even tougher.

After a painful period of 7 years, I've finally met someone who can warm my heart...I really don't want to lose her without trying.

But what are the odds of me succeeding?

What are the possibilities?

Love? Friends?

2010-03-19T23:22:00.005+08:00

It's been quite a while since I've felt this way...

This warmth...how long has it been...

I'm not sure if it's really love. Because of what I had experienced in the past, it's possible that I've got a lil phobia...but I just couldn't stop thinking about it...

It's the smile...the one smile which warmed my dark soul...

I feel the urge to see her smile occasionally, but I can't say for sure why. Especially when I saw that she's feeling down, I felt the need to lighten her up...

Is it all in order to see a smile, for my own sake? Or was it for her sake?

I can't answer that now. Maybe it's for myself after all...perhaps maybe it's all just an excuse and I'm in fact trying to be the one who brighten her day...

I'm in so much dilemma now...

Firstly, like I said I'm not sure if this is the "love" I've been searching for...

Secondly, I have no idea if she's got a partner, and of course I can't just blatantly ask her that, right?

Thirdly, someone of my status, character, mannerisms and past misdeeds...would I be given a chance?

Fourth, what if I tell her how I feel, and I would even lose her as a friend?

Lastly, I happened to know that today...someone's after her as well...this is the reason that held me back mostly. (I think that he would not be visiting this god forsaken place, thus I feel that I can safely note this down. Should he happen to read this...well I just hope that he knows that I'm not trying to sow discord or sour any relationships...)

I had always thought that so long the somebody I liked is happy, I don't mind letting my friend be her partner...I would give them both my blessings...

But I felt so empty thinking about that...

I'm afraid things would end up like my first love...an endless struggle. But I just can't let this feeling slide, and how can I ever break this news to my friend.

My soul is currently in a very chaotic situation...

Somebody...please help me...

19th year...

2010-03-16T19:33:00.002+08:00

Quoting what Terry said, this year's the last year my age begins with a "1", the next year coming my age will begin with a "2".

Time really flies...

Back when I was younger, everyday seemed forever...but days come and go very quickly this recent years.

As usual, March 16 quietly went passed once more, but not without birthday wishes from my friends. I thank y'all out there for your birthday wishes, they are greatly appreciated...

Return The Hitman!

2010-02-02T00:04:00.004+08:00

My first post in a long while shall be about wrestling again!

Firstly...Undertaker retains the World Heavyweight Championship against Rey Mysterio. What's next? Defending the title on the grandest stage of em all...Wrestlemania 26, and extending his undefeated streak further to 18-0.

Next, the long awaited return of Bret "The Hitman" Hart. I'm just a fresh fan of his since 2006 when he got inducted into the Hall Of Fame. That's when his entrance theme suddenly just clung onto me. Now that he's back in the WWE ring after 12 years since the Montreal Screwjob, and found closure with Shawn Michaels and Vince McMahon (both who had screwed Bret for real, resulting in his departure), all that's left for him to do is to slap the Sharpshooter onto Vince and finally send all the Hitman fans home happily.

Ok...wrestling aside, assignments are due this week and next. Though the amount of work to finish reduced greatly, there is still a small tinge of panic, for fear that shit might happen.

*Touchwood*

But no matter, shall work a lil harder than before to clear the workloads be it A or B...so long I'm rewarded fairly, I will not complain...at least not that much...

Happy (?) New Year

2010-01-01T01:05:00.004+08:00

Countdown's over, and it's officially 2010...

...
...
...

So?

Kya~~~it's just that the dawn of a brand new year ain't as fun as before...it just felt like any other day. Tch...life is starting to bore me. No matter what year this world is welcoming...some things just won't go away as time passes.

Sins and misdoings...

A brand new year does nothing but remind me of many things that I wish I could just shut my mind out of...like how-many-years-ago, I did this and that to who. After which, I would do some self-reflection, repent and maybe punish myself a lil for my misdeeds, hoping that I would be able to cleanse myself of my sins one day. But you and me know that it's impossible.

I would just have to be burdened by the sins I've committed all my life till the day I can no longer welcome a new year...

Just for the sake of archive...

2009-12-31T18:50:00.006+08:00

Just thought that I should post something during the last day of 2009...just for the sake of my cute lil archive hidden somewhere in this blog where nobody...not even me will ever bother to visit.

Well, and on a side note, I'm still managing to survive the waves of module invasion, and Story would most probably be the coup de grace amongst those accursed attacks from different modules, due to my cliche story with many loopholes and imperfections whereby only graphics and dialogues (something which I lack as well...) can probably remedy the situation by a lil bit.

So basically...yeah, I'm screwed again...

Luckily I'm just screwed by 1 module...for now. Though it's a rather bad thing already...

OK that's all for my last update of 2009. Wish all of you out there a happy new year ~~where your wishes will only be glanced through and cast down the drains by your respective higher powers...~~

Poker Face by Eric Cartman

2009-11-20T17:59:00.002+08:00

2012

2009-11-15T14:51:00.004+08:00

2012's great. The effects will definitely hook you up, since no human has ever seen devastation like those in the movies...

It might very well be what will happen at year 2012, but I for one, like some others, don't really count on that. IF, it should really happen, then all I can do is to curse and swear at the heavens and hells...and brace myself for the next bumpy ride.

Everything's good. Plenty of devastation and destruction, just the way I liked it, and needless to say, countless souls fell victim to those merciless waves of catastrophic events...

Overall, I enjoyed the movie due to the fact that I can never successfully deliver something of that magnitude in After Effects...

Tonight...Sephy comes home...

2009-11-02T21:47:00.002+08:00

After many hardships, many days of agony...my new psp has returned home. My bad management sent it right into slumber and needed emergency help which I tried to seek for days...

Initially, it seems as if I'm gonna lose another psp, this time even sooner...but luckily, I revived it, and now it's back at where it belongs.

I told many today that I'm gonna spend the rest of the night with Sephy today since my save data is not really the most up to date and I have plenty to catch up.

Just glad that it came home...

Happy Birthday to Angeline

2009-11-01T00:33:00.002+08:00

Just wanna say Happy Halloween to all souls out there celebrating, and a Happy Birthday to Angeline, whose party is one of the best I've ever attended...maybe cause I didn't attend many parties held in big homes with many friends like such, but it's fun nonetheless.

Great times is all I can say. The food's good, the cake's good, the people are good and the events are good as well...except for the weather. Unfortunately, I'm getting pretty lazy with pictures, thus none is taken on my phone.

So, thanks for inviting me and Happy Birthday again, Angeline!

Mourning's over...

2009-10-25T15:46:00.004+08:00

The lost of my beloved psp no doubt struck me deep, but however, a turning point is right ahead. I shall own a new psp, and this time, piano black.

Damn am I glad about it.

Well...despite all the negative responses and loads of bitching and whining, I guess she's still one great woman who can shut me up with the things I need. I respect her for that...

No matter, tomorrow is the only Monday thus far I'm kinda looking forward to very much.

A great story worth watching...

2009-10-22T22:24:00.005+08:00

Just to show the ending of Merry Christmas Mr Lawrence as reference to my last 2nd post. This movie has received lots of positive comments. I haven't really watched it, but I believe it's worth watching.

The Japanese doesn't speak perfect English, but I think they're understandable, and there's no reason to jeer at how much accent he carries when he speaks.

Really love how the music plays as it's ending...

On the eve of his execution, Hara bids Lawrence a final farewell, and a Merry Christmas...

Revival - FAIL?!

2009-10-22T21:48:00.005+08:00

Disclosed to my mum about my lost psp and got a rather negative response. It's not all that surprising...but I'm still disappointed. I can't really work under such circumstances...and speaking of work, my (ex)boss has yet to even reply my messages and calls.

Saving money to buy 1 would take me about 2 months or even more and I can already tell that it's not gonna be easy.

Even 2nd hands are pretty costly...and you need to bid for it. Eventually the bill may surpass it's original price should there be any desperate bidders. Besides, I never really trust 2nd hands that much for I'm not sure what it went through and if anything was done to it.

Paranoid I may be, but I'm not gonna let my desperation get the better of me just yet.

Tough luck...

R.I.P 4 Febuary 2008 - 20 October 2009

2009-10-20T19:05:00.005+08:00

I didn't expect that my next update is yet another moody post. Not that I want it, but I have nowhere else to voice em out, and Facebook doesn't really have a blogging function...perhaps I don't know it but here is my best bet.

Hell it's useless to speak to my mum anyways...

Only 1 year and 8 months old, my psp had already left me. I didn't even know where it went eventually. Someone might have picked it up...if it's so, I just hope that the new owner will be able to use it with more care. I may have mistreated my psp time and time again, but I can't go on without it. Now my only hope to recover it is to pray that I dropped it at the lecture theatre today. Nobody spotted it and I didn't look hard enough in between the gaps.

Or someone would have spotted it but handed it over to the lost and found section where consulting sessions are super limited unlike that admin office.

Those 2 are my last bet...

Should I still unable to recover my psp, all I can say is farewell and rest in peace, for no matter whoever picked it up, it won't be me, and the chances of bumping into it in this small country is rather scarce...

You will always be my first psp and you will be dearly missed, Ph3nom/D3@dm@n...I can't remember which nickname I used for my psp since I change it occasionally.

I therefore dedicate the current blog song, Merry Christmas Mr Lawrence, piano mix as a eulogy...like how Hara wished Lawrence a Merry Christmas before his execution the next day...it's the same mood.

A possible eternal parting...

And a lil something extra, to my still and ever lil sister, Adabelle:

I dunno what Ms Gail said to ya, but fret not, for Kiato-chan will always be by your side, so will the rest of your peers, whom I strongly believe will never leave you alone to wither in your own negative emotions. Of course, I will gladly be part of those peers rooting for ya.

Cheers, gal.

How long has it been...

2009-09-13T03:03:00.003+08:00

2 months ago...

I've posted about me being a failure...and I hoped that after so long, I would have been better. However...I'm not all that better off 2 months later...

Blog hiatus for 2 months after a certain event...meanwhile, I did some self-reflection on myself. Recalling events that had taken place in the past. The bad, the worse and the worst...I've done em all. They are no big crimes...but what I've done was far more unpardonable than murder and arson...

It's been years and I can't shake this matter off my mind. I realized that the trauma that led me to those doings is not exactly a compelling reason for me to be excused. Despite my remorse and endless apologies, I know that somewhere in this world...I'm not fully forgiven...

For 2 months...I laid on my back and think back of all my sins on one end, and trying to enjoy myself as much as possible on the other...juggling so much emotions everyday at every time ain't an easy feat and damn I'm not doing it well...

It's until recently that I realized more that I'm definitely hated by many...or at the very least, I'm not needed around anymore. I can't seem to find a place to really blend in...I'm not implying anybody to like "take me in like a puppy-in-a-basket outside your door"...it's my own issue.

It's mixed emotions...

Here and there, I wished to be at both ends...but eventually, I'm at neither...I tried to be a good friend and wanna be there for anybody, but my presence only brought more awkwardness...which is felt by many including myself...

Am I being paranoid? Or perhaps I'm right...

I'm not sure...

Looks like this 2 months did more harm than good to my soul from the way I see it...

Such a loser...

2009-06-23T19:18:00.004+08:00

For the first time in dunno-how-long...I felt that I'm a thorough loser...

I've always thought that I'm up for any challenges. I've even adopted a "take no bullshit" philosophy...however, today I've only seen my pathetic side.

A teacher caught me for something. Normally, I thought that I would just confront him/her and sort things out. But what I did today is total contrary to my resolve...I looked on at him as he exited the school, but I didn't walk up to him and reason things out.

I'm at fault perhaps...but on a second thought, I'm not really in any wrong.

I didn't realize what happened until a period of time passed. I've betrayed my philosophy to take no bullshit and shall reason things out whether I'm in the right or wrong or neutral...in the end, I just let him slipped past thinking that I'm definitely in the wrong...

Such a fucking wimp...and the utmost failure...

Now that I think of it...I've never actually succeeded in doing well in a lot of things...

Academic results...

Relationships. Be it family, friends or love...

Horrible failures that reflected only how weak I am. I thought I'm someone who could easily take on challenges, regardless whether they are good or bad...it looks like all I saw today is my rotten guts...

Why did someone like me even exist in the first place...I really wonder...

Basara overdose...

2009-06-18T02:51:00.006+08:00

Yet again...I'm unable to sleep. I've been drifting in and out of my slumber for the pass few hours...having these "feverish dreams"...

Ya know when you are sleeping with a fever, and you tend to dream with things that preoccupied you the most, probably things that you like...things that you're very involved with before you rest. Despite them being dreams with topics of your interest...there's like a small sense of......

Discomfort...

Confusion...

And like I mentioned before, you will keep drifting in and out of your sleep...I dunno if it's intentional or not, but damn I'm doing it...

Me...perhaps I've been TOO into Sengoku Basara recently...an anime based on the real warring states that took place in ancient Japan. It's the time of samurais and shoguns and seppukus...however the anime, of course, are portrayed in a more fantasy way with attacks that calls forth typhoon and brightly shone aura...typical anime elements.

The very character which I first took notice of is Akechi Mitsuhide...another MS (Masochistic + Sadistic) freak.

De? See the reason why he caught my attention. Yup...long flowing white hair, one of the best used elements to depict a villain...along with those sinister sickles, and the pale skin which added a slight tinge of undeadness to the character.

I prefer this form compared to his Samurai Warriors/Musou Orochi game counterpart...which is more gentlemanly with black hair rather than white, and wielding a katana instead of 2 sickles which reaps life...in other words, he's more human in those games...

Well...guys like him are always the reason why I watch anime. Because people of that category normally deals and all-out carnage and enjoyed them.

Anyways...I've been having flashes of him inside my mind every now and then...I dunno if those are part of my dream, but I sure do feel a lil feverish then. But I'm fine now that I'm up...so yeah, he's like the one responsible for giving me fever dreams and booted me out of bed...

So don't get yourself too involved in any business just before you got to sleep. You mights just burn up...

Silent Rebellion

2009-06-16T12:26:00.009+08:00

Despite this being the holidays, I could hardly find any reasons to blog. Since there's like...nothing of interest going on around here.

Well...there are, not positives ones however. But damn...I can't always vent my frustrations on this blog...for it doesn't change the fact that I'm still a loser...

As I mentioned before, if you waged war with your parents, you're destined to lose no matter how much you are able to speak up for yourself. Neither does it matter even if you managed to shut em up. So long you fight back, in other people's eyes, they would mostly condemn you for talking back to your parents...

In my case, the ole' lady would always end the war with lines that would not only make me the loser, but also a full-fledged sinner...you wouldn't feel good after listening to em.

So now, I sought another way out. Dunno if it would ever work then, but I'm gonna give it a try...for she's one tough woman I can ever wage war with...

Just remain silent and don't give a damn about anything but yourself.

Well, it worked to a certain extent, it looked as if nothing happened today when I woke up...life went on like it did before. Amazing, ain't it. Hell, I surely don't enjoy quarreling with her, due to the absolute accuracy of the quote, "Wage war against parents, and thee shalt lose".

Surely, I don't like to lose, in most aspects...let alone a fight. Too bad, I'm not that good with verbal fights. Only physical fights can allow me to truly enjoy the fun...

But no matter no matter, I shall take it that the events that took place for the past few days as the last of any disputes...for I'm seriously sick of losing...yup, that's the reason enough I think...

Happy 1 year old, Tiffany!

2009-06-06T23:25:00.005+08:00

Celebrated Tiffany's first birthday in some restaurant in Shaw Center a couple of hours ago. Gotta admit it...it's kinda ulu there...

It's like located at a dead end after a long passageway where both sides are shops (that are closed)...pardon me if it's nothing surprising, it's my first time at Shaw Center, and I don't think I have to say why is it so...

Anyways, the main event of the evening is of course celebrating my niece's first birthday.

Allow the pictures to speak on my behalf...luckily I didn't rashly delete the photos this time round...

The ke-ki...

The birthday gal...

Grandmother and granddaughter...

Happy family...

Happy birthday, Tiffany! Your uncle's looking forward to you being able to greet him soon.

Congratulations, Nick and Clara!

2009-06-01T07:42:00.005+08:00

First and foremost, congratulations to Nick and Clara biao jie for tying the knot, at the same time, happy birthday to Clara as well...

Wish you both a blissful marriage and may you bear loads of children. I dunno if you both will ever see this, but damn...I'll just put it up here, hoping that you might pass by here some day in the future and see this message.

Bo bian lah...I shy mah. People marriage not really my business, but it still reminds me of my failed first love...and to make matters even better, the waitress serving our table looks like "somebody" to a certain extent sia.

I was like...win liao loh...

Tch...no matter, best wishes to you both!

Unfortunately, due to my finger quickness far surpassing my cerebral processing speed, I accidentally deleted most of the pictures in my phone while marking them...

I hate it whenever that happens...

These are all that's remained...

AND~~~

Apparently, I'm having problems with Imeem playing songs on my blog. I can't help it when the song suddenly got cut into just a 30 seconds "preview". So I took it down for now, until I can solve that problem...

Ok time for school...

*****
****
***
**
*

Sista! Gambatte ne!

Advent Children FTW!

2009-05-31T02:41:00.007+08:00

Just done watching Final Fantasy VII Advent Children Complete. Note that it's a newer and better version of Advent Children...

Basically, it's just some more new scenes, more action and more story told...most importantly, the final battle between Sephiroth and Cloud has intensified. There's rarely any blood spilled except on Sephiroth's Masamune after he stabbed Cloud in the shoulder in the previous version.

But in the current version...ho ho, oh brother.

Impalement after impalement...cuts after cuts...each swing of the Masamune draws blood from Cloud's fair, delicate skin...blood oozing out of the wounds and splatters all around him as Cloud hits the ground.

Boy, am I enjoying this...

Sephy's definitely gotten more bad ass from the previous installment. He even took on his "winged-angel form" for more elegant moves. The fight's an epic win...

However, despite this being a newer version of the movie, the traditional rule of "Good will triumph over Evil" has not been abolished. Apparently, people still prefer happy ending eh? Not me, that's for sure...

It has always been like this...the villains are definitely stronger than the protagonists...but to portray that goody-goodies always wins, the villains are FORCED to lose because the protagonists will receive a sudden burst of strength out of something as minute as a piece of PowerPoint slide show of the protagonists' friends and family pictures at the end despite being mortally wounded or even dead...

Ah no matter...I'm glad Sephy's attained new heights with his new arsenal of swordsmanship...

Oh and I gotta give Reno and Rude credit too...they've gotten more screen time...I think...and needless to say, more comedy. Although it's a shame that they took away the scene when Reno climbed the building to help out Rufus, but the new scenes sure made up for the removed ones...

Unfortunately, no videos up here yet since there ain't no decent piece of video uploaded yet, but I'll keep an eye out for em...

W00t~~~

Yamazaki's Piano Recital

2009-05-30T17:40:00.007+08:00

A batsu game (punishment "game") featuring Yamazaki Hosei.

This poor guy is supposed to play piano in the dead of the night at a school...abandoned or not...I dunno. Haunted or not, I'm not too sure either. However, a school's definitely one of the worst place you can ever visit at the deepest of nights.

So Yamazaki's gotta walk all the way from his 1st floor "suite", up till level 4 to where the music room is, which held nothing but a lone piano in the center of the room...

Of course, traps are installed along the way...

The problem is...he's gotta walk through the same corridors 4 separate times due to the fact that he had to play 4 different pieces of melodies at an hour interval. And not to mention different traps are utilized every single time...though 1 or 2 might still remain. So yeah...very unfortunate, but it's fun to watch...

Just in case there's some enigmatic surprises...I'll try my best to describe what are the traps laid down for poor ole' Yamazaki...

1st attempt:

1. There's this sign that says: "Meeting in process, please keep quiet." (A meeting in the middle of the night...what else could that mean...)

2. Random sounds just pops out of the wall...

3. The elevator shall move...

2nd attempt:

1. An old soul shall be on patrol...

2. Sound of glass shatter...

3. Lotion applied onto the door handle of the music room...

4. Piano keys had trouble producing sounds...

3rd attempt:

1. Cries of a woman coming from within the toilet...

2. A pair of twins in kimono will be stalking Yamazaki. (This part is the best in my opinion...it gave the most kick to anyone who ventured beyond the point in person...and see of you can notice that one of the lil girl jumped at Yamazaki's screams...)

3. Farting cushion...

4. Secret #1...

4th attempt:

1. Blood on piano keys...

2. Secret #2...

Well, those are based on what I know about Japanese characters. As for the 2 secrets, I merely noted them down as the video stated...so you shall be kept from the secret until you've watched it...and on a side note, this is the video which allowed me to discover Merry Christmas, Mr Lawrence...

Ok without further ado, lemme present Yamazaki Hosei's Piano Recital...

The longest 1 hour...

2009-05-29T01:53:00.002+08:00

It took me 1 freaking hour to render a 30 seconds video...just because I had an extra bubbly scene which lasts for about 3 seconds in the clip.

What the hell's gonna happen if it's a 3 minutes project...

I'm soothed once again...

2009-05-24T23:45:00.005+08:00

I can't help it but admire this piece of music playing as my current blog song now.

It consisted of no vocals...at least for this version, but it's THE melody that even evil souls find peace within...magically delicious. It's a super-duper-old-ancient piece since it's like out during the 1980s. Not all that far off, but it's like 10 years before my birth...thus I shall categorize it under "OLD". But this vintage melody didn't give me that impression upon first listening, and I'd say that I'm lucky enough to have bumped into this music.

I mean it has even surpassed my previous lullaby, which I believed to be one of the best all time classic. The theme of this melody, in my opinion is like...so "crystal" and "glacier" . I can't really describe em, but those 2 words are how I felt when I listened to the music...

Another piece of music added to my cerebral archive of favorable audio files, I guess...tru-ly bea-u-ti-ful...

Song: Merry Christmas, Mr Lawrence
Artist: Sakamoto Ryuichi

Risen yet again...

2009-05-23T12:00:00.002+08:00

Finally...after such a long period of time, my foot has recovered. Well, almost actually, for it is still kinda stiff...

This lil sprain took me the longest amount of time I've ever needed to recover...compared to my long history of other issues of sprained ankles, busted elbows and over-twisted abdomen. But no matter no matter, I shall be in fighting shape soon enough.

Other than being not able to flex and land heavily on my foot, I think I'm pretty much ready to carry on with my 18 years odyssey, since there's gonna be one less issue to preoccupy me...

Once in a long while...

2009-05-09T12:48:00.006+08:00

Nothing much...just thought that it's been a while since I last sprained my ankle and had it swelled like a pig's trotter...

But then again...this pain is not what a masochist would normally enjoy for it greatly...and I mean GREATLY hinders your movements...I've been walking around as if something's up my ass and though I can't see it, I strongly believe that I look awfully queer when I walk and strut and limp and hop...

No matter, try ta spot the difference!

Well...it's not that difficult to spot it, right? However, if you really can't see what the hell is wrong, the following image shall be your answer of the lifetime...

Happy Birthday, Addeh!

2009-05-09T00:18:00.003+08:00

A belated happy 18th birthday to lil Addy-belle...

Hope that you've enjoyed the lil celebration and the anytime-anywhere-choir whose members just keep abruptly bursting out the birthday song in high to low pitch and of fairly high magnitude...

And sorry, I could have been more into it if my ankle had not been sprained on the way.

Anyways, really hope that you'd like the lil cushion a.k.a pillow a.k.a anything that comes into your mind. Oh, by the way, should you suddenly have the urge for gores...like Friday The 13th, I don't mind watching it again with ya and your peers, that is if you don't mind my presence that is...

Again, tanjobi omedeto gozaimasu!

And to Shan...don't worry too much. These ordeals will eventually boost man's physical resistance and immunities. So just look forward to his recovery, and enjoy having a stronger soul standing by ya.

Lastly, thank you to everybody for inviting me over, also thank you guys for your concern and help to ease my swell just hours ago...and Angeline's dad for footing the bill, though it's kinda pai seh for ya to pay for us when you're a "special" guest.

Well, that's how I see it, for he made a surprise appearance.

That's all for now, I guess. Everybody, cares and cheers!

Aww damn shiat...

2009-04-24T23:45:00.008+08:00

Well...first of all, it's a fine day with fluffy white clouds in the vast blue piece of dunno-what called the sky...

A 18 years old shonen headed on to school...

With his black Nike bag...

Black Nike shoes...

Black Giordano shirt...

Some random 3/4 pants...

And a big, budget, "slightly more than A2" folder...

He went in to his drawing class, and all went pretty smoothly, for the lecturer's a nice guy, and the shonen didn't really screw many things up...at least he hopes so...

Next, he went to do Maya...

Soon, he was alone again...

He then dragged he's carcass all the way down to MacDonald...finished his food in solitude...and next, headed for the library. He stayed in the library from 1500+ to 1825...killing time by drawing another character...

Evening came, and he went for some kendo orientation, for he strongly believed that he found himself a place where he belongs...

Hell is he wrong...

The sparring part did excite him a LOT...and it shall be the most fun thing that will ever occur to him should he take part in it. But the rest of the orientation is what he didn't expect, though they are necessary.

No battojutsu...

No hirazuki...

No gatotsu......DUH?! It'll be impressive if one would be able to perform, let alone landing it on anybody. But the shonen would LOVE to learn how to utilize it, probably other sword techniques as well...

Unfortunately, those are beyond the kendo club's arsenal...

At the same time, the family of the shonen is having another old school uproar once again, making it almost impossible......make that LITERALLY impossible to raise the matter to his family...

So yeah...it kinda suck...

I guess it's for the better, so the shonen can go back and focus on his MMA obsessions...be it professional or freestyle...

He'd love em all...

Restaurant "He yo"

2009-04-20T22:33:00.005+08:00

People pay for what they eat in restaurants...

But these bunch of Japanese are different...for they fart for what they eat. Sounds gross? Well...it's just a game, so it's not such a BIG deal after all...

For those not seeing any subtitles appearing, simply move your mouse cursor over to the button at the bottom-right hand corner, and check the button with "CC" on it...

That is if you're interested in watching the video...

Discretion: Occasional obscenity ahead. View it at your ow risk...

*Just a random note, the videos above were narrated by Tachiki Fumihiko-san, who's the seiyuu a.k.a voice actor for one of my favorite anime characters, Zaraki Kenpachi. =D

Fatal Frame "Fatality"

2009-04-19T01:57:00.010+08:00

Just when I thought my body clock's readjusting back......

No matter...needless to say, I believe most of ya, if not all, should know under which genre of games Fatal Frame falls under.

Souls who have experienced playing the game, be it a veteran or just running around the map and escape whatever you encounter, regardless if it's a malice apparition or Casper's Japan counterpart...you should know how does it feel to play the game.

Tense...

Excited...

On guard...

Expected to see something but nothing's there...

Something pops up when you least expect it...

The game's perfect for all to play, I'm telling ya. I hate to admit it, but when I first played it, I kinda...

DAMN!

Courtesy of Jun who jioed me in while staying over at Daniel's house...it's more than 2 years...but I can still remember how I felt then...

It's not so bad to play it with your friends, but to play it alone in the dead of the night...you're in for a wild ride...

I suddenly had the urge to play the game despite knowing that I'll jump time and time again while playing. Unfortunately, I don't have the platform, nor the game...so I decided to satisfy myself by watching some videos to freak myself out...

Well....

I have no problems finding the videos...

But the problem is, the game cracks me up rather than scaring me. No, no...not that the game play is no longer good, it's the player who's responsible...

He seriously busted the supposedly tense and dark ambiance...but nobody's gonna blame him for it. In fact, everybody enjoyed it, including me...

It's better to see for yourself...

But I must warn you...heavy profanity ahead...and best watched in the middle of the night...all alone...in the darkness......

The next one's gonna be rather short, but sorta effective...

I liked the screams in here the best...it's as if he's turned loony...

See the reason why a horror game makes me laugh in the middle of the night now? But my thirst for some horror has yet to diminish...at least for now...

If you find me lame to laugh at those things...you have no laughing bone...

Ok, it's kinda screwing up your audio output. But damn, it sure hell is fun watching him play...you won't find players like him around often. I'd say it's a privilege to hear his hoarse screams and his comical way of playing the scariest game to date...

Done watching the videos, I wish thou souls to sleep tight...and I mean TIGHT...for you never know what might reach out it's malicious claws upon your neck...

...tonight...

No motivation lah...

2009-04-18T17:44:00.002+08:00

Finally done drawing my 1st character in a long time...which took me weeks. And it's not all that nice...for pencil marks and slight tears are visible around it...

Com-pu-lit-to-ly no mood whatsoever...

If this keeps up, it's gonna spell my doom for the next semester...

An amazing woman indeed...

2009-04-17T15:28:00.010+08:00

A woman, Susan Boyle attained fame almost instantly with her powerful voice...not only in Britain's Got Talent, but all around the world. On 1st look, a 40+ years old lady like her would expect people to think of a typical, simple housewife. But never would one ever expect that this typical housewife, whose dream was to be in the same league (or further) as Elaine Paige, received a standing ovation upon singing...and most importantly, stunned all in attendance, including the 3 judges...the very same bunch of souls whom I strongly believed that they're gonna see a joke of the century...

Well, I won't deny...I'm a lil skeptical about how good her singing is on first glance. Hey, I'm not a singing person, nor do I know the qualities to sing well, but I do know what is comfortable to your ears.

...and she sure busted me for that...

When Susan speaks of her dream and aspirations, camera cuts everywhere around the auditorium and showed faces saying, "What the f*ck?!". Now now, you know who you are...

But she certainly changed everybody's opinion 540 degrees. Who the hell would still jeer such a splendid voice. Well, I dunno about the guys who said she was lip-syncing, but I definitely...well, lemme quote what Amanda Holden said...

"That was the biggest wake-up call ever..."

Let's assume she's really lip-syncing, then you gotta give her credit for doing it so darn well, and hell...I would say it's flawless...so until then, I say that her singing is for REAL...

DAMN!

I mean even Simon Cowell couldn't lay a finger on that one. And you certainly see how destructive Susan's singing is when Amanda's eyes got all teary...maybe it's the quality of the video on Youtube...but until someone proves me otherwise, I'm gonna say Susan's voice moved Amanda Holden big time...

Simply unbelievable...a must watch for all even if you're not a fan of "Idol" and "Got Talent" shows like me...

If you're looking for the video here...lemme tell ya, I don't have it. Why? Because embedding has been disabled by request...and yes, all of em. But I'll be nice enough to provide you guys the link:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9lp0IWv8QZY

Oh I just "LOVE" this timetable...

2009-04-14T20:57:00.005+08:00

Guess what?

The timetable for the next semester is finalized, and the very time slot that caught my attention is on Thursday...the day which I thought shall be an off-day since it's so damn empty from morning to afternoon.

BUT!

As I scroll down, I realized that my classes are punched in from 1800 to 2100.

Damn am I "lucky"...

I'm not saying that I should have any privileges that shall exclude me from any night classes...I don't mind staying in school until night falls or even midnight for that matter, but to have lessons at night kinda pose a problem for me...for I'm not someone who can focus well during night time...

And I hate to admit it...my body clock is slowly tuning back. Thus, I'm no longer the extreme nocturnal type anymore...for now that is...I mean I didn't really did it intentionally. Lately I just got tired at night, and before I know it...

DAMN!

Ah no matter...

Tomorrow shall be another fine day, for I shall be going back to school and meeting up with the clique. The lecture however, is not my main concern tomorrow, since...ya know...I just wanna meet my friends.

Sounds hypocritical...but hell true...

I mean...you never know...we're gonna be in different classes after all. Ya dig?

Finally back on track...

2009-04-08T17:54:00.002+08:00

I'm SOOO~~~ darn glad that the Karakura-Riser filler has ended...now, back to topic and start kicking arrancars around, releasing zanpakuto, getting kicked in the arse, blow a knee up, bite some wind, blow Hueco Mundo into smithereens and finally throw the entire world into the bottomless chasm of desperation and hopelessness...

Fatal Beatings

2009-04-07T23:53:00.001+08:00

Another skit performed by Rowan Atkinson...

17-0

2009-04-06T11:34:00.009+08:00

No doubt...the streak is still intact, and Michaels is the 17th soul that shall be sleeping within the 17th grave in Undertaker's Wresltemania graveyard.

Taker's the man I always root for, but I, or should I say all wrestling fans, appreciate what both of these men did - giving one helluva show.

What's next? Come on...it's time for a long term world title reign...

Another item eyed on...

2009-04-05T19:21:00.002+08:00

Seems impossible to get...but I like it regardless of it's rare status, and would gladly own it. However, despite there being many miracle workers in this world, I doubt I can find anybody who's THAT willing to even try working on that thing in this country...or all over the world for that matter...JUST FOR THE SAKE OF ME!

But hell. It's one of the finest cape I've ever seen. Not because Taker worn it before, but the chest plate and chains and stuff makes it so goth that I just like it as myself rather than liking it as a Taker fanatic...

Heart Of Sword "Mixes"

2009-04-04T17:36:00.005+08:00

Got my hands on 3 different versions of remixes of Heart Of Sword. Similar for most parts...but definitely better than the original in the other parts.

I prefer the remix playing as my blog song now to the other 2 remixes...despite the fact that it kinda sounded as if the audio output is screwed...

Anyway...

Just got to know from Kiato-chan yesterday that I'll be in a different group from my clique. Well...like he said, 1 group apart, and the time table is pretty similar. But I doubt I can hang out with em as often like we used to be.

At least they won't have a spoilsport stuck with em most of the time...

Remember what I told ya yesterday, Kiato-chan...and don't try ta crawl your way outta your responsibility! I'll be watching...

A lecture which screws ya...

2009-04-02T22:15:00.003+08:00

Another Beany video. Yes, I can't believe I'm on a Bean craze nowadays too. This is totally screwing up my image, ya know...and you bet that I don't like it one bit. But the videos are just so damn...*beep* *beep* *BEEEP*

I hate it when this happens...

2009-04-01T17:56:00.004+08:00

Kwl kwl...everything is kwl. Just that I almost got over pissed just now, for I thought that the dental clinic's pulling an April fool joke on me...despite having reassurance from the lady herself that it's not a prank when I booked an appointment for today...

I don't mind people pulling pranks and stuff on me...so long it doesn't require me to wake up early and do stupid things at my grumpy period...

And of course, there's still a limit on what kind of joke it is...

So I waited for almost half an hour outside the clinic. Not a very long time, but since I've only just got out of bed...I'm still a lil short tempered and not having much patience for almost anything...

Waited and waited...getting frustrated by the minute...and getting hungrier at the same time. As a result, I'm getting more pissed.

Well luckily the dental clinic DID open after half an hour. That sure cleared my doubts of whether I'm screwed or not. Bo bian loh...that's why I'm always on the losing end, for I'm too trusting at times...but I didn't blow my top or anything...I'm still able to succumb my temper. =)

Not bad for a hot headed eh?

On Beany spree again...

2009-03-31T16:08:00.002+08:00

Yes...my craving for Beans had increased recently. Thus, another video of Mr Bean, portraying 3 men who screwed a certain someone's wedding...BIG TIME!

Bean on smutty spree...

2009-03-30T01:32:00.003+08:00

Apparently, I can't sleep...and I went off to Youtube in search for some humor to laugh myself to sleep. Well, I'm yet to feel drowsy...but I'm definitely not disappointed by the video I've watched...

The Legendary Trio meets their end...

2009-03-29T23:57:00.003+08:00

Rowan Atkinson giving an eulogy to the 3 souls whom everybody should be fairly familiar with...

Bleach 300 Parody

2009-03-27T19:00:00.006+08:00

A parody of 300 made out of Bleach. I love it...mainly due to the fact how they have made the Spartans and 11th division so similar to a very large extent, and Kenpachi taking the role of Leonidas, along with great synchronizing throughout the whole video.

It's uber kwl...and you gotta uber love it, especially for Bleach and the 11th division fans...

Cheers!

2009-03-27T16:51:00.006+08:00

So tired...my deep slumber has been disturbed time and time again...

Now, I'm shag...pissed...and hungry...

Anyways, the world's pretty tense and dark these few days...so I just wanna tell thy souls, that do cheer up. I dunno what happened, and what will happen, but do stay alive...for only yours truly, ME...have the permit to make the world a darker place for all souls, for at my mercy thee will be...

But...that's not really the point, I may be the worst of soul anyone has ever seen, but I do hope that people around me can spare themselves from any anguish and sadness...

Well, said my part...off to the next phase of my ritualistic slumber...

Warai ya dame yo...

2009-03-21T18:02:00.002+08:00

Gackt VS Matsumoto Hitoshi, in a no laughing contest...

Set and done with...

2009-03-20T01:17:00.008+08:00

The result of the specialization is set to be released today, and gladly, I got into animation like I marked down. However, with a GPA of 2.8...I'm not exactly all that please these few days...

True, I managed to maintain my score, which should be good enough...probably I slacked off a lil too much and I didn't get to hit a 3 point mark...but, there's no use pondering over it anymore...

So today, was a pretty long day...

In school to check the results, and then slacked at Koufu...the subject we talked about are pretty broad today...

From crocodiles to alligators...

From dreams to cerebral and physical system...

Talked and blahed before heading off to Angeline's house...kinda hesitant for she might get into trouble for bringing a "not decent" guy, who has long and dyed hair home...I'm not alone of course, but the rest are like so much more decent looking than me...

But I went anyways...

So I tried to be at my best behaviors over there...as in watch my speech and mannerisms...

Fortunately, there ain't really anything that needs me to spew vulgarities at...neither did I go on a "F***ing" spree. That's a relieve. I think I did swear once or twice...but overall, I'm still not getting her into trouble...

Even dinner requires me to be less barbaric like I used to be...well, like I said, it's not so bad trying to be lady-like once in a while...

Anyways, there's a lot of searching and browsing to do over at her house...they're browsing through academies, colleges and universities of art etc...getting ready for 2 years later when everybody graduates...

For the girls, it's no problem...

For the guys, we have to go NS (that's right, no escape...I wished I could run as well...). That 2 years of NS is all we need to forget whatever that's taught to us in the 3 years of Poly...at least part of em, though I sure hope that ain't happening...

That kinda stinks...but bo bian...if you have balls, you jolly well get your head shaved and scram into the camp after whichever education you got yourself into...

So continued searching and chatting...sneezed and hahaed for sometime before going home at around 2200...

I sure hope she seriously doesn't get into any trouble from her family, since it happened before to a friend of mine...

Went over to his house...

We stayed in his room...

He got called out by his mother...

I overheard his mother saying, in Chinese..."Why did you bring such a person back?"

Felt bad about it...

Thus, kinda worried that Angie's gonna have to take some lecturing, will feel so damn guilty sia...

Anyways, thank ya for the hospitality today, Angeline.

So trained and bused back home...luckily. For I thought I can only take train home all the way, which will take like...dunno-how-many-donkey-years...

Lastly, Happy 19th Birthday to Evone! =D

Sweet 18...

2009-03-16T20:14:00.002+08:00

A big thank you to all my peers, for celebrating my 18th birthday with me. Be it the guys I went out with, or people who wished me a happy birthday via sms, I'd like to express my gratitude here. But I would like to give a slightly bigger thank you to the guys who spent time coming out today and invited me along for the small celebration. A deed that shall be remembered for as long as I live...at least for the following couple of years if I'm still alive till then...

A simple outing with my friends, a simple meal (though expensive...and they rejected my share of the bill...) and a simple stroll around the area, to me is more than enough...I haven't really celebrated my birthday this way since my birthday fell on the March holiday for the past 7 years...

But the bottom line is, I appreciate everything you guys have done for me today...thank you all so much...

My baby Sista, Adabelle...

Kiato-chan...

Shan...

Angie...

Clement...

Xian...

Thank you guys...thank you very, very much...

Apologies...

2009-03-08T01:41:00.005+08:00

First of all...

Sorry to my peers today for abandoning you all in the middle of the occasion and being such a wet blanket, when it's supposed to be joyous. I know I'm being pretty much of an asshole when I did that. You can curse and swear about me...you may even decide to hate me for the rest of your life as a mood spoiler, I accept em all...for I have nothing much to say to defend myself.

It's all part of me...

When I'm not needed, I'll walk away and isolate myself from the group, especially when I feel that I can't exactly blend into the clique. To me, it's better to feel alone in solitude, rather than in a crowd and your presence is not of any significance...

I'm not blaming anybody for anything, that's how I've always felt, and that's what happened before. People got me into a group, and they just left me alone to fend for myself. Perhaps a grudge from then, and here I am trying to have a lil more initiative?

I dunno...

Thus, I've decided to take the initiative to leave and minimize any damage that shall be dealt, rather than being an eyesore, not only to the public, but to myself as well...

Silence would only bring upon more awkwardness, so I'd rather make a silent exit, and tone things down, while the others can still continue with their routine.

If any of you guys are upset about my behavior, you can drag me out and tell it in my face...I might or might not rebuke, but eventually...I'll accept them as what I deserved...I'm prepared for the worst, I've said it before, you might be considering now whether a soul like me deserves your friendship.

No matter your decisions, so long you think it's the right thing to do, I'll respect em.

I've told myself before not to socialize too much at the start of the orientation, for fear that history might repeat itself again...but it seems like I can't resist the temptation of wanting to make new friends, and I can't help betting my chance with you guys...hopefully I can be friends with you all, true pals like the few I had in previous educations...

If you've decided that I'm a hypocrite...a difficult to be with person...a fraud...and you've decided that this pathetic soul deserves no passion...deserves no respect...deserves no friendship, and have decided to make me lose this bet, I understand...

Just in case you guys wouldn't want to take anymore crap from me...

Thank you...

Thank you all for accepting me as your friend. It's greatly appreciated. But more days are to come, are you able to accept me and my unstable personality on a long term basis? The decision is in your hands...

I'm not treating our friendships lightly...I may not know to what extent I've cherished these friendships, but I have definitely tried my utmost best to treasure em. It's just that I want people to know that they're accepting someone who has an awful past, who has an awful personality, and possibly an awful human being who could probably jinx you out of your life, as a friend.

I've been half a loner for more than a decade, I could be the same probably for the rest of my life, but I want peers who are able to bear with my unstable personality...

Sorry to sound so selfish and all...and once again, I would like to apologize for my behavior earlier today...

I'm sorry...

Supermarket brawl

2009-03-05T16:54:00.002+08:00

Another match held at a one of kind arena, and a stipulation which many gonna enjoy...

Hospital brawl

2009-03-04T20:35:00.004+08:00

Ok, recently I'm trying my best to satisfy my wrestling cravings again. Thus, I went over to the usuals and get myself entertained...and now, I'm gonna share one of my favorite brawls ever...

Oh I just love how resourceful the Texas Rattlesnake can be...

Revitalized

2009-03-02T23:06:00.013+08:00

Went over to Green Leaves Medical Center for some "treatment" today...I'd say it's quite soothing, except for the sweating part though...

No, I'm not sick...mum just pulled me down there along with bro.

Over there, you submerge your feet in some herbal formula and the machine will sort of give you a nice massage on your feet. The vibration will then go through your feet and make their way up to your legs. I wonder if it went any further, can't really remember the feel already. But I'd say the vibration's pretty powerful...so power that it might probably give you orgasms......

Err...no no nothing...never mind forget that part...

ANYWAY~~~

Just to be precise, a picture will show ya what the hell is going on there...

Without a doubt, those are my legs all right...

And the physician's pretty good as well. He's got good knowledge regarding your pulses and stuff...well pardon me if almost all physicians are like that, for he's only the 2nd Chinese physician I've ever seen in my life...excluding those who fix your sprains and fractures stuff...that is if you consider them to be physicians also...

From my pulses, he can tell that I have bad temper...well I say that's very accurate. He read it from my pulses, but I'm afraid my temper is almost never good...

There are a couple of stuff he shared with me which I find pretty interesting as well...

Then, nothing exactly interesting happened after that...other than me sweating like a warthog's backside...

ZZZ

Ok...gotta try and sleep early, just to let my body rest, like the physician advised...

What swells?

2009-03-01T03:38:00.001+08:00

I believe anybody can understand what the hell is going on in there...

I'm bored...

2009-02-28T20:06:00.002+08:00

Yup...I'm bored all right...

I wanna go out with my friends and stuff, but I just suck at organizing things...whenever I arranges a certain *beep*, something most likely will crop up, and it will be super bummerizing...

Nothing's fun at home...

All that's able to accompany me are my laptop and psp...but they can't keep me entertained at a long term basis...

Furthermore, I can't seem to enter Combat Arms normally recently. It just hangs on me upon entering the channel. Only if I'm lucky, can I proceed further...otherwise, I'm trapped...

All lonely again...

Emo Day

2009-02-27T17:11:00.010+08:00

According to Shanderia da Waffles...today is Emo Day, for DMD Group 3 shall no longer be one anymore due to souls going into different specializations...

Well, everybody will still be under one roof, but it's not gonna be easy to meet as often as before, let alone hanging out with one another...

Some of us maybe will still be grouped together, but losing a member or 2 will take us some time to adapt. Just like Da Familia...in a couple of week's time, we're gonna lose a member, also known as Maria...the "maid" who was deprived of all human rights possible, terminating his 6 years contract with my Sista, and the rest of us...

Bet Sista's gonna miss him like hell when he's gone...

If Maria gone, all that's left in Da Familia is...

Baby Sista, "Fudgeface" Adabelle...

Shanderia da Waffles...

Lil Kiato-chan...Waikay "Cheesecake" Yong Kiat...

"Tohdrive" Angeline...I believe that she's part of the Familia since she SO close with the 3 of em...

And me, Vivian "Anaconda" Antonia...

Oh yeah, Clement's the part time Familia...

Therefore, that's all that is left of the clique...many more souls we know will not be joining us as well. It's kinda sentimental, but everybody's gotta leave eventually, don't they...

Hence, I'm told that people maybe suffering from SES (Sentimenalish Emotic Syndrome)...

Well...life goes on, and it's yet to be the end of the world, for I've yet to toss this world into the chaotic abyss. So people who are depressed over things like this, do cheer up.

Don't worry Sista, Maria's gonna find another owner who will mistreat him as well, so be at ease, for he will continue to be deprived off all human rights...

He's off to a better place...probably...

As a result of this day, I've changed the blog song to Candle Lights by BoA. No particular reasons, just that it sounded emo as well...

It's over...

2009-02-26T23:00:00.004+08:00

The most exciting and anticipated day is finally over...

Stress is no longer a factor...at least for these couple of hours, it's not. What's gonna happen next? I dunno...but I will welcome it with my best of emotions...

I'm glad that the lecturers complimented on my video. There are flaws (DUH~~~), but they didn't condemn me right away as I half-expected. And thank you to all my peers who complimented on my portfolio. I'm flattered, and humbled by you guys. Be it compliment or criticism, I thank you. (No Clement, you don't belong to this category......just kidding! XD)

And MOST importantly...

Thank you to Angeline who came EXCEPTIONALLY early today just to pass me my sketchbook. Her time slot was at 1500, and she reached school at around 0930+/-. I'm so touched...

But I really appreciate it, and sorry for the trouble, when you could have gotten more sleep...

No matter, I'm proud of my work...all of em. Despite the fact that most of my peers have much better works than mine, namely...

*Ahem*...
*Ahem*...
*Ahem*...
*Ahem*...
*Ahem*...

There may be more...and I think you know who you are. =P

However, I'm glad for them as well, for all of us managed to pull through, and I believe their scores will not disappoint them...at least not by a big margin. The bottom line is, hopefully everyone's happy...

Well...all souls deserve a good rest from now on. Gotta replenish all the energy that's lost through the months...

That means...hibernating...

The day is here...

2009-02-25T21:21:00.004+08:00

Today shall be a day for all to remember...for we've tore down every single possible obstacle before us, and are proceeding to the next step of assessment...an event which will take place in a few hours time.

WOOO~~~

Never felt lighter...managed to clear all assignments in 1 night, and printed everything today...with that, I believe that this semester is officially concluded...all that's left is tomorrow's execution.

Kinda shag...a lil dizzy and all. Damaged inflicted further upon landing my eyes on my friends' works. I feel so sad loh...their standard is so damn higher lah. Emox3 liao...

No matter, a rainbow managed to brighten my day...

No Shan, there are no ponies trotting on the clouds...

So a rainbow fiesta started and we began taking pictures...all of us present, namely...

Baby Sista' (XD)...

Kiato-chan...

Angeline...

Xian the "Maria"...

and Yours Faithfully, the Devil himself...

Kwl, ain't em...

There are 2 actually, with the second one on much lower opacity. Thus, only one can be clearly seen. AND, it's the clearest rainbow I've ever seen in my entire life...so we came up with a theory that we'll score good marks for tomorrow's assessment, credit goes to the rainbow...

Well...hopefully that will be the case...

Bean in HELL!

2009-02-24T02:24:00.001+08:00

Combat Arms

2009-02-19T00:01:00.006+08:00

Not a bad night for me tonight...for I've enjoyed myself...somehow...

Thanks to the preaching of my peers, and my weak will to succumb over game temptations, I started playing Combat Arms today...a game which I thought I would not touch...

Well...I've gotta admit, I'm not all that please when I just started out. It suck big time getting killed ALL the time, and you don't get to do a shit...

Firstly, my aiming is SO bad that even I just couldn't bear to continue watching.

Secondly, I have no strong FPS game background, neither did I interact with the game before...

These 2 factors are thus why I didn't really want to play the game. Furthermore, you'll drag your team down with ya if you kicked your own bucket too much...and I hate that, regardless of whether my comrades hate me for it or not...

However, I think I got a slight hang of it after a lil while. I managed to land a couple of head shots. I'm happy with that...and I managed to promote from a trainee to a recruit by 1 night. Far from what I've expected.

But most importantly, thank you to my dear friends for cutting me some slacks, allowing me to grasp the game bit by bit...intentionally or not, I thank you.

Am I addicted?

I really wonder...

The answer shall be revealed tomorrow...

Heart Of Sword on piano...

2009-02-17T20:39:00.002+08:00

2 pretty melodious pieces of the song, Heart Of Sword done on piano. Flat out awesome, I would say...

I like the above version pretty much, but I kinda prefer the following version. Unfortunately, it's not a complete piece. I'll be looking forward to it's complete version.

Mood swings...again...

2009-02-16T22:55:00.006+08:00

First of all...thank you to Shan for the eyeliner again. The $0.90 that you didn't accept shall go to the next lollipop. Remind me about it. =)

Slight flu today, plus my throat feels sticky and tight...damn super uncomfortable...ahh who cares. Managed to clear more of my animation today, not much, but I'm almost there...hopefully...

OH YEAH! I ATE DURIAN TODAY!

Yes...durian in school...just plain satisfying loh. But the durian/longan ice combo's not really that compatible. However, it's still enjoyable...

THEN~~~

The feeling came again...

Dunno why lah...when Kiato-chan (XD) started to talk about the "Tonight, I celebrate my love for you" song, I sad again liao. No, no...I'm not saying that there's anything wrong with him talking about it. It's just...

DAMN!

Emo loh...

Went home alone, like the way I've always did in the past...

Now...the past events are making their way back to me again...I hate it when it does that......

EMO...
EMo...
Emo...
emo...
emO...
eMO...
EmO...
eMo...

Vivian "Anaconda" Antonia

2009-02-15T22:32:00.005+08:00

I'm starting to shed skin on my face, shoulders and back like nobody's business...

Perhaps I've exposed em to too much STRONG sunlight of the burning hours at noon on Friday...

Happy Valentine's Day

2009-02-14T14:25:00.015+08:00

Wishing a Happy Valentine's Day to all couples, and everybody out there, even if you're still chaste...I mean single...but it's just not a day applicable to me...

Nonetheless, I would like to say this from one person to another, to a lady who is one of the few turning points of my life...a Happy Valentine's Day to you...

Here's a song dedicated to each and everyone of you lovebirds, not forgetting of course those who are still single, and fortunately did not suffer the same fate as I did...

Friday the 13th...

2009-02-13T15:53:00.007+08:00

I didn't really noticed that today is Friday the 13th until somebody blurted it out...forgot who though...

No matter, it looks like today's my lucky day, for nothing has really gone wrong. I'm not screwed by anybody, and most importantly, I got my sketchbook back...

Too bad Clement...LOL!

A day which may be the date when my satanic ego is of maximum dominance...the very date when I may find my 3rd victim, or probably...some decent fighter may appear before me...

HOWEVER~~~

The most accursed of dates is only the next day...

For tomorrow...it's Valentine's Day. A freak like me who has never been in a relationship before, and my first love, a feeling which has lasted for 7 years+/- (including this year) being a failure, for I never managed to get any closer to her than friends...the feeling of being single, while others have their moral supporting partners...

It's a pain way too much, even for a masochist like me to withstand...

Geez...

How many more years must I suffer this pain of recalling the one lady who totally caught my attention...but didn't turn out to be someone whom I can share my weals and woes with...

Not that there's anything wrong with that...

After all...I did hurt her once before...the one sin which I could never erase...

Tch...

Anyways...a thank you to Shan for keeping a lookout for an eyeliner like I requested...shall pay ya back for that......

A LOLLIPOP!

Hah...don't worry, I won't let you incur a loss de...

Why villains rulez...

2009-02-12T22:07:00.003+08:00

A small reminder to myself and all souls out there, why I've decided to take the path which most wouldn't...the sinful road of a villain...

Though I didn't really carried it out as planned, for I guess...I'm bound by the sins and debts I've accumulated all this while, and I'm currently trying to clear em. Thus, my failure to be the ultimate villain...

No matter, my ambition is still burning within me...as soon as I'm done clearing up my debt for this and my previous life, I shall then unleash all hell!

Now...to you mortals out there, behold...for the reason why evil has been the more dominant force in most aspects of life...shall be revealed...

Jeopardized

2009-02-11T22:07:00.007+08:00

For the first time in a long while, I felt so threatened...

I myself think that I produce slightly better work when I'm working last minute...sometimes though. But today, quality work ain't the main concern. For today, I'm supposed to produce the storyboard, and receive approval...on the same day, I need to produce the final board.

Failure to do so, you might fail...

Hell...I don't wanna redo this studio project...it's one helluva pain in the arse...

Ok lah...maybe because I lazy, then never really did it at home, but mainly it's to prevent myself from doing double work, for Ms Gail MIGHT need me to make certain changes.

So~~~

I kinda struggled for the rest of the day, as the dateline is set on the day itself, 1700...

As the time draws nearer, I'm still trying my best to finish shading my final board...at wit's end, Xian called Ms Gail for a slight time extension, for my grades' not the only one hanging on a thread. So is lil Sista, Yong Kiat, Angeline, Xian, and Chong Huan.

Luckily, she permitted the time extension. Thus, the new dateline is 1800. Which seems more than enough...when I'm done with the work that is...

So done up with final board...photocopied...asked for Ms Gail's autograph...and I'm safe...somehow, I wish that I am...it's around 1740+/-...

Eventually, we survived...

Tomorrow onwards, it's animation, and designing of CD cover etc...

Gotta sleep as much as I can...though it doesn't really seem possible, but I most definitely gonna need it...

I've had enough...

2009-02-08T21:40:00.006+08:00

Ok...I'm merely venting my frustrations here. Souls out there don't get offended, for I'm not referring to any of you...

I've had enough of these...

You get pissed over something so trivial, and you begin throwing your temper. You raised your voice at me when I know absolutely nothing, and did absolutely nothing wrong about anything.

True, bro may have tossed something you needed badly. That cost money and you felt a lil pity since we're not rich, and we're trying to reuse whatever we have that does not seems in use. But you do can talk to him about it, can't you? Do you have to rant about it so much that even the opposite blocks know of our issue?

That's just plain ridiculous lah...

Now, the thing is, I didn't know when and how bro got rid of that stuff. But you started questioning me like I'm in the wrong. You should know my temper, I don't like people maligning me, neither do I like people raising their voices at me...if they do, I will definitely not back down without retaliating...

You know that, and I told you before...

Yet?

You gave me the look I despised the most. What are you trying to prove, huh? You're the monarch of this household, so it's just for you to throw your weights around?

I shot back, you will start making it looks like I'm in fault for standing up for myself. But if I remain silent, you assume that I'm afraid...that I'm weak...that I'm a loser to you, and you will continue acting like the dowager.

I bet with you lah...

If dad was here, you WOULDN'T DARE to do all these things. If fact, you would even wanna reconsider you actions. I bet my life on it.

You may be the wife of Wan Poh Weng, and may think that you can turn nasty on anyone who pisses you off...

Well lemme tell you this now...

I'm the SON of Wan Poh Weng, and I will not hesitate to strike anybody who gets on my nerve. I've got the urge to do so on ya before, don't think I'll hold back forever...so don't fucking push your luck. Think people will back down when you turn nasty, I WON'T!

Try me...

I may not outfight you because I'm your son after all, and my bros will side you for sure de, but I am certain that I will not back down without a fight. Cos, I'm no longer the weak lil kid prone to your scoldings and beatings...

Screw it...

Potential Match

2009-02-08T17:50:00.007+08:00

It seems that the main event is set for the grandest stage at Wrestlemania...

A main event ain't necessary have to be a title defense, be it the most prestigious gold in the brand. A main event is what captivates the audience, and possesses the quality that is able to etch the entire event deep into their minds.

In my opinion, this match's gonna be a all time classic.

Icon VS Icon...

Legend VS Legend

Battle of the future Hall Of Famers...

The Phenom VS Heartbreak Kid...

The Undertaker VS Shawn Michaels...

Needless to say, I believe you guys know who am I gonna root for. =P

17-0!

Oh I just love matches like this. And yes, I know if the match does take place, it's all setup from a storyline...but I still like it a whole lot anyhow. Why? Because it's entertainment.

A fan made promo that is neatly done...

Never liked waking up early...

2009-02-07T12:23:00.002+08:00

For the first time in a long while, I'm able to wake up early...reluctantly though.

But as usual, something disappointing always pops up whenever I sacrifice my peaceful slumber...this time, it's the school's lab are locked out and even the year 2s are not granted access to em, which totally defeated the purpose of me crawling up early lah...

But I wouldn't say it's for nothing...

At least I get to return Xian's Wacom pen, which I mistakenly took, and I've also found out that my sketchbook is now with Fernanders.

Well...that's a relieve...or is it?

Done and over with...

2009-02-07T00:46:00.005+08:00

Today marks the last day of all modules, and the start of studio project. As usual, all remaining assignments are due today...by right though. However, I didn't managed to submit my Maya...so suay loh, gotta go back to school tomorrow...

But I'm pretty satisfied with what I've done for Maya. It's not really that perfect, but it's my best work thus far.

Despite the lightened burden, something unfortunate happened...

I LOST MY SKETCHBOOK!

I forgot who last touched it. Clement wanted to draw another version of the Golden-maned Lion King, and Shan's next. But I dunno what happened after that.

Wah lao...

All my drawings inside loh...supposedly can go in my portfolio de sia. Let's just hope that it's still inside the animation lab tomorrow...

Dragon King craze...

2009-02-04T23:04:00.011+08:00

The post today's gonna be more than just Caramelldansen. Actually, I'm reaching the limit in trying to find different varieties of the video clip. But now, I'm gonna share some pictures before going further into that...

So, it all started when I was late for 3D...again. My attendance is reaching the debarment zone le...hopefully the lecturers will overlook that for today. After 3D, lunched and off to do some work. Shan then flashed the drawings she did, and I decided to approach her and see if she can help me with designing the costume for my characters...

So for my personal sketchbook, where all my characters reside, I drew the 4 Guardians of the Ming Sect from the Heavenly Sword and Dragon Blade novel...

Since the Purple Dress Dragon King is a female, and I'm not all that good at drawing woman's clothes, I have ta approach Shan loh. =P

Yappari, she didn't disappoint me.

But that doesn't end there, as Clement, Angeline and my Sista joined in and decided to draw a different version of the Dragon King. So here are the results...

Apologies for the bad quality...

My version...

Shan's version...

Clement's version...

Angeline's version...powerful as usual...

My dear lil sister's version...cute right?

So yeah...I got pwned...

But no matter, I will not rest here, for stronger opponents are what makes fights and competitions more challenging and fun...

Anyway, diaoed in school for dog-knows-how-long, and the clique, namely...

Sista...

Yong Kiat...

Clement...

Zhi Xian...

Li Ying...

Zhen Ying...

And me...

Went off to AMK Subway, while Shan and Angeline went off in a different direction for a better future...and there, in subway, we got our food, and took a......picture, yeah, a picture...

TA-DA!

Kwl right...

It's 6 foot-longs and 1 6-inch...and yeah, that's Clement's hand...I mean who else would be so ge siao de. Right~~~?

Ok...that's about it. So let's get high with Caramelldansen again! However, today's clip shall be a lil different from the past videos, for today, it's Sims characters dancing, though it's still Final Fantasy guys, but they're no longer chibified...at least for now...

So enjoy, and start cursing and swearing at me.

Well? You souls hate me now, don't ya. HAHA! SAIKO DA ZE!